17 and counting

Fours months have passed in what seems like an eternity at this point. I say that but it has also progressed quickly in some ways. It feels like a long time between ultrasounds, even at every two weeks, but it was just like it was yesterday that we were anxious for the test to say pregnant.

Starting at this point is when we both will have some added apprehension. We are at the clinical definition of when women have incompetent cervix complications. 17 - 22 weeks is the time frame in which those with the diagnosis begin to dilate. For that reason, all of the doctor’s visits each week will come with a new sense of angst. We will see the doctors each week now through the end of June which is really a welcomed relief. As our doctor told us in our last visit, they have applied 'full court press' so we can only move forward with each cautious step with the confidence that this will finally be the one.

We have done everything possible so now only time will tell if we will finally realize our dream. I am left feeling unsure how to process each day. I will welcome July in a way I have never before. June is a wonderful month but I truly wish we could fast forward to the point in which when we can let out that proverbial sigh of relief. While many obstacles will face us in July and beyond, I look forward to the day when we can finally celebrate this event and look forward to the new chapter in our life together.

Along came Tiffany

Sitting in my hotel room on a sleepless evening and came across the movie that best describes Tiffany and I when we meet..."Along came Polly". The overly cautious guy and the free spirited girl. He's awkward and deliberate, she's open and experiencing everything life has to offer. Ultimately, we know the ending. They end up becoming a little like the other and realize that their differences are what makes them interested and compelled by the one another.

I don't know yet what that means for Cocoa Bean but I think it is good. I think it means that we will give two great examples of how life can be lived to the fullest in two totally different ways. All I know for sure is that regardless of he or she being a sports loving, number cruncher or an open minded, art enthusiast, Cocoa is going to bring us a joy that we have never experienced before.

15 weeks down...about 5 months to go.

This one is different

Those who experience 'high risk' pregnancies are fortune in one way...lots of ultrasounds! There is a feeling unlike any other when you can look into that screen and see your baby right in front of your eyes kicking around and that little heart is puttering away.

We are in that third phase now (one was 13 weeks of worry and two was our cerclage). We have a new reassurance with the cerclage and our successful outcome rate as risen to 88% which is much better than before but we are still counting down for weeks 18...19...and 20 to arrive. That is when we will hopefully pass the incompetent cervix barrier phase and move into the honeymoon part of the pregnancy.

I have to say that I am really feeling good the last 10 days. I have thought about it lately and I attribute it to two reasons. One is that Tiffany has a new aura around her. She has a little more skip in her step and the hesitation is at least muted if not gone for the most part. We feed off each other and knowing that she has a renewed sense of relaxation with everything has really calmed my nerves. Second is simple but somewhat unexplainable. This just feels different. In this phase, I am starting to actually see us in November holding our newborn and moving forward with our life. What has felt like a pause over the last two years seems like life is actually on play again and about to move into fast forward. It has been tough at times watching the world move quickly around you but I really have a feeling deep down that we are about to jump on life's treadmill once again.

We will see out doctor now once every two weeks now which is even more comforting. We get to see those little changes in our little Cocoa Bean which is exciting and humbling at the same time. Tiffany is glowing once again and is as beautiful as ever. God willing, we are 1/3 of the way there and I couldn't be more excited.

Newfound admiration

Has it really been almost a month since I posted? Not a great way to garner an audience I suppose but that really has never been my intent or focus. Truthfully, I started this to try to chronicle my thoughts about the pregnancy. Really for our purposes down the line and it would merely be a bonus if I was able to provide another husband a confirmative message that he's not alone in his worries.

What has happened in three weeks? Tiffany had her cerclage last Friday for starters. I must say, I tried to write about it several times last week but kept hitting cancel at the last minute. I had far too much negative energy for some reason. I was in our home office with the leaders in my division all week which always adds to my energy level but then the whole swine flu thing broke. I live on airlines and that seemed to be a target for concern for obvious reasons. Throw in the fact that our lives were about to be altered in a way unlike many others and I had anxiety to the 10th degree.

The positive news is that the surgery went perfectly and the formerly mention virus caused my conference this week to be cancelled which allowed me to stay home with my love. The doctor was very happy with everything and Tiffany was a champion as always.

The worst thing for me in this whole journey has been the actual physical pain she has had to endure. I wish I could be the one that needed something done so that she did not have to experience all of these procedures. That being said, she has handled it as well as anyone could ever expect and it has given me yet another layer of respect that I never thought possible.

Right when I think she has maxed out my admiration for her, she goes and faces the next impediment head on and conquers it like she has been placed on earth to overcome the very challenge that has been presented to her. I would have never questioned her if she had said she had been through enough after the first or second setback but her perseverance gives me strength to be an ever greater husband tomorrow than I am today. I will never do enough for her to repay her for all she has done and I am just eternally grateful for the inspiration she has brought to me in my life.