Appreciating every second

I am not sure that I have ever had a moment in my life that I have been so overcome with joy that I had been brought to tears. Ecstasy arrived at 9:18 AM on 10/28/09. After hours of labor, Tiffany gracefully delivered an 8 pound 7 ounce glowing baby boy, Liam Nash Collins. As the anticipation built through the morning, Tiffany held her composure and with one final push Liam arrived to this wonderful world. Instantly I saw that he was a boy and we both cried a tear of joy as the staff swiftly cleaned him and did their quick analysis. Time stood still as we held him in our arms and took in the moment.

I have never experienced such pride but the majority of that exhilaration is in the way in which Tiffany has naturally transformed into a caring and loving mother. I absolutely love holding him and touching his skin but I find even greater pride in seeing her with him as this is the moment that she has sacrificed so much to experience. She has earned this time and given all we have been through, I truly believe it allows us to have an even heightened level of appreciation to be where we are today.

I knew fatherhood would be a joyous experience but all of the books, advice and anticipation couldn’t have prepared me for the joy that is now in our lives forever.

Waiting has never been so rewarding

We are so close! We thought we were at the brink of finally meeting Mr. or Mrs. Bean last night but despite contractions that were about 5 minutes apart, our trip to the hospital was nothing more than another test run. Still 4 cm…still waiting…but that’s okay.

Aside from Tiffany feeling a little undo pressure to work magic, everything really is coming along as well as we could have ever wished. Work schedules, out of town visitors and many anxious people awaiting word of the big day has driven Tiffany to feel as if she is letting people down. How can it be anything short of a blessing that we have made it to this point? 38, 39, or 40, at this point I just feel so blessed to be in this position that I really don’t care how long Cocoa decides to wait it out.

I didn’t ever think it to be possible but I really think I am going to miss Tiffany being pregnant. If anything, the extended wait has given me an even greater appreciation for where we are today. A mere 9 months ago I really questioned whether I really wanted to travel this path but I can now say with confidence that I am ready to take this path again in the future should Tiffany decide she is ready. I know I am getting way ahead of myself but the simple fact that I have found such comfort in this process isn’t something I was sure I would ever find in myself.

Cocoa will present his or her self in due time and while I dream of his or her touch for the first time, the delay is well worth the wait.

The unexpected gift

Tuesday was a wild ride. Not 10 minutes after I finished my previous post, I shut down the computer, headed upstairs and readied for bed. Tiff was very uncomfortable, so much so that she decided it best to call our doctor to describe her discomfort. He decided it was pains due to the pressure caused by the stitch so he said he'd be in on Tuesday and wanted her to come in a day early to have it removed. Here we go...we thought.

The procedure went as well as could be expected. It was tremendous pain for Tiffany having the actual procedure but as I have came to expect with her, she handled it with grace and determination. They immediately checked her cervix and she was already dilated at 2.5 cm. It was all about to happen! About an hour later she had gone to 4 cm and they told us to get ready, we were having this baby. The parents rushed over and the waiting began. Then something funny happened, she just stopped progressing. Nothing wrong, just the baby was not thinking that a Tuesday arrival was appropriate at this time. So we were sent home to wait it out.

At first, there was a bit of deflation but after I really thought about it, we had been given a special gift. While 50% would deliver soon after the procedure, she was one of the luck ones. One that was able to now head home and treat this arrival as a 'traditional' pregnancy. We now had the unique experience of being able to actually find joy and celebration in her water breaking or increased contractions. We actually could breathe easy as those very actions where now a reason to celebrate, not to find panic in. So here we sit some 60 hours later and we are taking it all in stride. The worries behind us, the anticipation around us, and the reason to celebrate just beyond our horizon that we have so desperately longed for.

Hours, days, or weeks...we have been given a great and unexpected gift. One of anxiousness and joy all rolled into every last contraction. The very reason for all of our pain is now in our grasp and we finally can sit back and take it all in.

Ready for the great unknown

I feel like I have lived in two parallel universes the past 36 weeks. One that moves as it always does…not enough time in the day, too many tasks to accomplish for one person. The other has moved as if we were in slow motion. We marked off each day and the weeks couldn't come fast enough. But we are here. By all estimates, we have a healthy baby ready to turn parallel universes upside down but what's next?

We know we are ready but we also realize that we have no idea what we are ready for. We have done as much preparation as possible but we expect that we likely have forgotten or not even thought of endless tasks that will be needed to assist us along the way.

I really sit here this evening not really knowing what to think. I haven't spent too much time anticipating the next few weeks. As a man of consideration, I realize that this is the one time that I can't completely prepare for this great unknown. Boy or girl...names...how do I act during delivery...what can I do to help over the next few weeks? I really have not processed any of those thoughts at this point as I think I am ready to just soak in the entire experience and will let the winds move our vessel as only the winds see fit.

We will keep our eyes looking forward while always holding our past close to our hearts. Nothing could have prepared us for the horrible experiences we have had in the past but life is about to reward us with a high we can’t fully appreciate…that is until Wednesday when the pain of yesterday will help deliver our joy of tomorrow.

Friends help make the world turn...

What a wonderful weekend! Tiffany finally received the weekend she has long deserved and we have our wonderful friends and family to thank. We are now in week 34, everything has been cruising along as scheduled, and Tiffany was able to celebrate our achievement with some wonderful people.

I should start with Nicole and Jessica. One an old friend, one new. Both instrumental in helping Tiffany get to where she is today.

Nicole and Tiffany have been friends since their childhood. Growing up down the road from one another and Nicole’s presence is what lead us to look to move to our wonderful home a few years back. She has been nothing short of exceptional in her dedication and support of Tiffany over the last few years. Whether a simple night out with the girls or if a concert out of town was needed, she has continually been there for Tiffany to help her stay grounded. Her encouragement has been unwavering and always comes right when it’s needed the most.

Jessica, Jon, Tyler, and of course Duncan have been instrumental in us feeling comfortable with where we are today. Jessica and Tiffany are so alike in their passion for their jobs and their ability to use their personal talents to help lift spirits. Tiffany and Jessica are so similar in their enjoyments and talents which has made their friendship a natural fit. Right when Tiffany was in a deep funk, Jessica would unexpectedly produce an act of kindness that would revive Tiffany’s spirit and rekindle her spirit.

For both Jessica and Nicole, this weekend was as much about us as it was about the special people that they are and how instrumental they have been in where we are today. We are eternally grateful for them both and as expected they pulled off a weekend Tiffany will never forget.

Yesterday, the arrivals began and about 15 girls went out for a wonderful celebration to include a spa and dinner at Tiffany’s favorite place. They ended with a nightcap at a hotel down the road and finished everything off today with a brunch at our place complete with Tiffany’s favorite cupcake (monstrous cupcake I might add) and pictures with the entire crew.

It was a special weekend because many of our friends that have been there for us over the last few years were able to join us in our celebration. Gifts are always nice but their presence was the real contribution to Tiffany and the entire weekend. So to all of you that were able to make it thank you for your support and we wouldn’t be here today if it weren’t for each and every one of you.