A determined partner

For those of you that have done national meetings, you'll appreciate what I am about to say. I AM READY TO BE HOME! My second national meeting in 8 weeks, zero cell coverage at a 'conference center', and the west coast time change have made these 15 hour days seem like a marathon. More importantly, I am just ready to be with Tiff. She's feeling okay this week but it breaks my heart to know she is having difficulty sleeping due to back pain. What could I do even if I were there? Nothing obviously but I would feel much better if I knew I could wake up and make her breakfast in the morning after a sleepless night.

After our uncertainties a few weeks back, my return has even more anticipation on my end. I just feel like I need to see her more often now but ultimately I knew what I signed up for when I took this job and 150 nights on the road for the year is simply something we accepted as step in our career path, like it or not. I just feel fortunate that we've developed such great friends. Tiff knows she can call anyone at anytime and have someone there in minutes to help her if needed. That makes it a little more endurable in weeks like this.

Ultimately, I really don't know how or why I ended up with Tiff but I am just perpetually grateful. I truly found my life partner and find the most condolence knowing that I am with a strong, capable partner that sees the big picture and is a true warrior. I am grateful for all of her sacrifices and will be indebted to her for the rest of my life for all she has gone through. I recently told someone that the West 'T' attitude may not be very fun in arguments but has been an attribute that has given her the essential strength and determination in time like these.

Feeling it all around you

So I have not posted for a little while. As I have done a couple posts before, I wrote elaborate explanations of my frustration and anxiousness but a better part came over me and cancelled the post before I published. Simply said, it was a difficult week last week. We had our bi-weekly appointment and found Tiffany's cervix had changed from about 37 mm to 30 mm. You could feel the ultrasound technician’s anxiousness as she saw the readings and it was downhill from there. I felt like the room as a vacuum of our emotions. How could we change so much after we thought we were in the clear? Tiffany broke down in tears in the elevator and I spent the next 6 days and nights in earthly purgatory while on the road, away from my bride as we awaited today's appointment.

They wanted to see us again this week so we knew that was not great news. Reason enough for concern that they would require an extra visit. I was somehow able to maintain a reasonable about of tranquility but deep down I was ready for the worst. If I don’t remain steadfast, how can Tiff? But the news came...

We are back up to 35 mm and the doctor is skeptical of the results last week but has reason to feel a great exhale, so do we. Modified activity, even from a 'non-activity' pregnancy is the prescription for the time being. Meaning essentially that Tiff needs to take it extra easy and he be prescribed days at home for her work. He wants to see us weekly for a while to see if it is a trend or an anomaly but overall an enormous burden has been lifted from our shoulders. I feel so much relief, I cannot even begin to articulate my emotions.

After all of that before 10AM...I have to say it has been a bizarre day. I was traveling to our national meeting today and got behind a 6'7", 300 lb Missouri football player in security going to his first NFL mini-camp. As a big football fan, I was in awe to say the least. Then I proceeded to my plane only to run into Bret Michaels who was sitting two rows in front of me on the plane. I proceeded to fly to my destination only to see someone I think the world of have a tribute on their behalf in our meeting in front of the entire sales organization and I just happened to be sitting next to him for the presentation. A PowerPoint with his favorite band playing in the background, former and current leaders had quotes about his time with the company while pictures showed his dedication towards our wonderful company. It cumulated with a standing ovation only to have a spotlight hit his family that had been flown in just for the dedication, without his knowledge, just for him. He and his wife cried together as we cheered and we toasted his commitment to our company.

Talk about a day full of emotions. I am drained and can only sit back and think...I am so lucky to have my wife, my job, and my life. I only hope I can give my child the joy and appreciation that I had today when they finally make their way into this world. If we can only get 8 more weeks….

What's your love language?

The part in which I thrive the most in with this pregnancy is being needed and productive. I find contentment in the opportunity to go above and beyond for Tiffany and I do my best to make this process as bearable as possible. It's difficult for me to not share the burden of back pain, digestion problems, or ever changing pants sizes. Just like in our miscarriages, I am left wishing I could do more. Simple late night trips to the grocery store or picking up the kitchen helps me feel like I am actually nurturing in some minor way.

We had joined our friends Nikki and AJ for lunch several years back and they talked about reading a book call "The Five Languages of Love". I remember them speaking of one another's key to feeling loved and how they knew how to best meet the other's needs. We were both very compelled and bought the book for ourselves. I highly recommend it!

In essence, you have a 'love tank' that needs to be filled. It can be through Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Receiving Gifts, Acts of Service, or Physical Touch. Each a little more complex than what you may imagine. Physical Touch for example isn't what you may initially think. Not gettin' your grove on, rather it may just be placing your hand on their knee when they drive or simply holding their hand at the park. He speaks to each language in great detail and gives you words of wisdom on how to best deliver on your partner’s need.

It's harder than you think to identify your partner’s language but once you start reading each section, it will come to you. Tiffany’s is Quality Time. The best thing I can do is stop what I am doing, offer her a walk around the block or simply sit down on the back porch and just talk. If I give her 1o minutes, I have a happy wife. Let me tell you, it has helped in many ways, particularly when she is in a funk. Knowing when to fill that love tank has helped us grow as a couple more than I would have imagined.
Personally, I am Words of Affirmation to circle back to my original thought. I feel whole as a partner when I can feel needed. In so many ways, pregnancy is one huge tank filler for me. So much to do, so little time but throughout I feel loved and needed in my simple acts.

Knowing your partners language is nice to help keep things moving on a daily basis but has been undeniably bonding in the difficult times. The only down side is that she now knows that she can ask me to poop scoop the back yard knowing in some weird way, that poop shovel makes me feel loved.

Life, not sex, is what's exciting about it all

We had an uneventful appointment today in our biweekly ultrasound and doctor's visit. That's the best kind! Cocoa is 1 lb 4.9 oz. and was sleeping through most of the photo session. All organs, bones, and other important things are right on schedule, all measuring at 22 or 23 weeks.

Cocoa is also officially on record for sex. They obviously need to document it for ultrasound purposes to check those 'special' places. Our doctors, nurse practitioner, and head nurse will not know the sex until we do but it sure has been a source of discussion with many people.

Selfishly, it will be one of my proudest moments to walk into the waiting room and announce, "IT’S A…!" I'm thankful that Tiffany also finds it as an extra source of energy through the 9 months. We'll know soon enough and we'll just be thankful and enthusiastic for our new gift regardless of gender.

But you know the saying, right? If you have a boy, you have to worry about one penis. If you have a girl, you have to worry about every penis in town. Who needs another 5 months to worry about all of those penises around town?

Our first entry into our personal Cliff Notes

Thanks Veronica! John and Veronica are our friends from NC. Here are her recommendations to our personal Cliff Notes mentioned in my last blog. I thought everyone would enjoy her thoughts...

Nope, no cliff notes. that dude made millions off of these things and didnt go here, very very smart! Here are some from John and I......

cry---they cry, but i promise it is the best sound you will ever have heard. by the time you are tired of the crying, you will wake up one morning, notice how much less they are doing so, and miss it. we are a strange breed us parents.

poop----it stinks, its gross, rarely stays in the diaper either so buy the good ones, dont skimp on those, but again, they might as well poop roses bc it will not bother you either. until a "mistake" happens all over your beautiful wifes new outfit the first time she gets to go out after the arrival, good luck with that one. I missed Johns Xmas party with Bella, she was like 6 days old, getting there was NOT an option!

vomit is more of a projectile with these little ones, you should wear one of their bibs if you remember, and goggles too :0). they are all different, but for Bells I would have to change her and myself and anything within 12 feet of her, from head to toe sometimes! For Tiffany, pony tails will be a must if Baby Collins bares the same wicked skill. i sware they should consider this an olympic event!

sleep--- well forget that, it is non exsistent, so sleep NOW. it should be the first thing on your to do list every day! when the baby is here, the good old advice of sleep when they sleep, take it! trust me, easier said than done, the first weeks when they sleep, all you do is watch him/her sleep and make sure they are ok, and then down the line, sure the bed will call your name when the baby naps, and so will the evil dishes, facebook, email, endless piles of laundry, stack of bills etc.....(remember that poop and vomit, get extra detergent!)

in one word ------- just LOVE, you have plenty, and it makes it all work.

ENJOY it, even the poop! lol

you will be GREAT! BOTH of ya!

Congrats on checking the weeks off. Glad you are breathing easier. I am loving that you are blogging. I think the world of you two as a couple and love to read the male perspective of your journey.

Now get to work on that list ;)!