Learning to be a husband

This is where I want to switch up my posts a little. I have been getting a feel for everything up until this point but no more of the 'current issues' junk. Okay, so maybe I'll feel overly compelled at some point down but I really want to focus on something much more relevant and significant. Learning to be a husband.

I lightly dabbled in the thought for a short time about putting my emotions down on paper about how to cope as a husband with miscarriage. I suppose this will be my journal to track my thoughts. I certainly do not have any definitive answers but if I can open my thoughts to others in a similar situation, maybe I can bring peace to those who have walked our path.

I have turned my attention to this today as I sit here two years removed from losing our first baby boy 20 weeks into our pregnancy. I have so many thoughts on a day like today. I have so much to say and to think about. My mind drifts but my heart remains steadfast...on my wife. Just like that surreal day when we were cooking chili and Tiffany began to panic.

She didn't know what was happening but she knew it wasn't good. That very moment marks the point in my life where I felt most useless in my time on earth. I am supposed to shield my wife from all things negative but there I was more helpless than I ever could have imagined. But here's the thing, I couldn't be helpless. Not now. This moment wasn't about me. This was about Tiffany…me upholding my obligation to her as a husband, and what I could do in that very moment to make the best of what we faced. It may sound strange, how can I make best of her literally giving birth several months too soon? But it was very clear to me what I had to more than ever; remain constant, resolved, and open. She needed me and it wasn't time for me to worry about anything but making the most of our misfortune.

We spent the next 18 hours going through pain that I didn't even know existed. I had not even thought it to be a possibility. Even with all of the scares we had up until that point, I think I blocked the possibility from my mind. But that night defined us as a couple. We made all of the right calls given the situation. We grew closer in 18 hours than we had in the previous 8 years of knowing one another. She became my hero that night and gave me strength to become an even better man and husband. We faced a mountain ahead that we had not trained for but for that one night, we were parents and I was prouder than ever to be her husband.