One more try

I purposely started my blogging experience when I did for a reason. I knew this day was imminent, the day I can proudly say that we are once again pregnant. In my best effort, I will attempt to articulate my feelings as the pregnancy progresses. What does a husband think and feel as he embarks on nine months unlike any other?

I can say, after seven weeks, that this is will certainly be the longest nine months of my life. Do you remember what it was like as a child on December 1st? When you felt like Christmas would never arrive? Take that feeling and extrapolate that over roughly 36 weeks and here I sit.

I returned from one of my typical weeks on the road…one day too many as usual. I needed my wife’s touch and a good dinner with her to catch up face to face. We both knew it was time to ‘test’ when I got home and it didn’t take much negotiating to convenience her to give it a try. Let me tell you, when I looked down and read that magic word, I was overcome with a feeling of emancipation. In addition to the two miscarriages, we have also needed a little help conceiving, that in addition to two surgeries to correct a uterine abnormality. So the whole getting pregnant thing has been a story in its own. Give me a few glasses of wine and I can tell you a funny story about that experience. (Rated PG, I promise)

The next few weeks were strange for me. I had not prepared myself entirely for all of this. We had been so focused on the surgeries and the getting pregnant part that I had not done an adequate job preparing myself for what I would feel once the new journey began. I actually had a difficult time sleeping initially. Many bad dreams where I woke myself thinking something bad had happened. Fortunately, it only lasted about a week. I think I have simply come to peace with the experience.

I have many thoughts and emotions so I will do my best to express them as the calendar turns. Again, my only hope is that some husband in a similar situation can turn to this blog one day and can find peace in their feelings as they can know someone else has walked this path before them. And it all turns out well. Regardless of the outcome, I feel I have become a better husband and together we have become better people for what we have endured. I only hope others can find peace in their misfortunes and strength in their outcomes. I can end this quest with or without a child but my life long journey with my wife will be complete regardless of the end result. We have each other and ultimately, that is the greatest gift of all.