"The Pregnancy"

So I just found out that I am doing something bad during this pregnancy. The bad action is in that first sentence. Do you see it? Funny, I didn’t either until Tiffany just pointed it out. I have been calling everything up to this point ‘the pregnancy’. I am not associating myself to the baby at this point. We are almost three months into this and I still am instinctively distancing myself from the hurt that came with the last two.

That is one of the toughest things with miscarriage. The mother becomes one with the baby. She has life inside her and feels everything. The mood change, the hunger, fatigue…but the man has to allow everything to come to him. In the first pregnancy, you are attached from the second the test says “Pregnant”. With each loss, it is only natural for the man to unconsciously distance himself from everything.

I don’t think it is wrong to place that barrier between you and the baby, but you just need to understand it, embrace it, and ensure your wife knows that you are more committed to her than ever before. Inevitably, you will grow closer to the baby as those critical months pass and the worry transforms into elation. While I need time to accept everything with ‘the pregnancy’, my passion and commitment to her is unwavering. It is simply my job to ensure she knows that it is not her that I am keeping at arms length, it is my emotions that I am simply trying to keep in check.