Waiting has never been so rewarding

We are so close! We thought we were at the brink of finally meeting Mr. or Mrs. Bean last night but despite contractions that were about 5 minutes apart, our trip to the hospital was nothing more than another test run. Still 4 cm…still waiting…but that’s okay.

Aside from Tiffany feeling a little undo pressure to work magic, everything really is coming along as well as we could have ever wished. Work schedules, out of town visitors and many anxious people awaiting word of the big day has driven Tiffany to feel as if she is letting people down. How can it be anything short of a blessing that we have made it to this point? 38, 39, or 40, at this point I just feel so blessed to be in this position that I really don’t care how long Cocoa decides to wait it out.

I didn’t ever think it to be possible but I really think I am going to miss Tiffany being pregnant. If anything, the extended wait has given me an even greater appreciation for where we are today. A mere 9 months ago I really questioned whether I really wanted to travel this path but I can now say with confidence that I am ready to take this path again in the future should Tiffany decide she is ready. I know I am getting way ahead of myself but the simple fact that I have found such comfort in this process isn’t something I was sure I would ever find in myself.

Cocoa will present his or her self in due time and while I dream of his or her touch for the first time, the delay is well worth the wait.

The unexpected gift

Tuesday was a wild ride. Not 10 minutes after I finished my previous post, I shut down the computer, headed upstairs and readied for bed. Tiff was very uncomfortable, so much so that she decided it best to call our doctor to describe her discomfort. He decided it was pains due to the pressure caused by the stitch so he said he'd be in on Tuesday and wanted her to come in a day early to have it removed. Here we go...we thought.

The procedure went as well as could be expected. It was tremendous pain for Tiffany having the actual procedure but as I have came to expect with her, she handled it with grace and determination. They immediately checked her cervix and she was already dilated at 2.5 cm. It was all about to happen! About an hour later she had gone to 4 cm and they told us to get ready, we were having this baby. The parents rushed over and the waiting began. Then something funny happened, she just stopped progressing. Nothing wrong, just the baby was not thinking that a Tuesday arrival was appropriate at this time. So we were sent home to wait it out.

At first, there was a bit of deflation but after I really thought about it, we had been given a special gift. While 50% would deliver soon after the procedure, she was one of the luck ones. One that was able to now head home and treat this arrival as a 'traditional' pregnancy. We now had the unique experience of being able to actually find joy and celebration in her water breaking or increased contractions. We actually could breathe easy as those very actions where now a reason to celebrate, not to find panic in. So here we sit some 60 hours later and we are taking it all in stride. The worries behind us, the anticipation around us, and the reason to celebrate just beyond our horizon that we have so desperately longed for.

Hours, days, or weeks...we have been given a great and unexpected gift. One of anxiousness and joy all rolled into every last contraction. The very reason for all of our pain is now in our grasp and we finally can sit back and take it all in.

Ready for the great unknown

I feel like I have lived in two parallel universes the past 36 weeks. One that moves as it always does…not enough time in the day, too many tasks to accomplish for one person. The other has moved as if we were in slow motion. We marked off each day and the weeks couldn't come fast enough. But we are here. By all estimates, we have a healthy baby ready to turn parallel universes upside down but what's next?

We know we are ready but we also realize that we have no idea what we are ready for. We have done as much preparation as possible but we expect that we likely have forgotten or not even thought of endless tasks that will be needed to assist us along the way.

I really sit here this evening not really knowing what to think. I haven't spent too much time anticipating the next few weeks. As a man of consideration, I realize that this is the one time that I can't completely prepare for this great unknown. Boy or girl...names...how do I act during delivery...what can I do to help over the next few weeks? I really have not processed any of those thoughts at this point as I think I am ready to just soak in the entire experience and will let the winds move our vessel as only the winds see fit.

We will keep our eyes looking forward while always holding our past close to our hearts. Nothing could have prepared us for the horrible experiences we have had in the past but life is about to reward us with a high we can’t fully appreciate…that is until Wednesday when the pain of yesterday will help deliver our joy of tomorrow.